2nd Day Sober

One moment I feel healthy and excited to be trying to deal with everyday life in a healthy manner, the next moment I feel intensely anxious and depressed. I had been sober for about a year before this lapse in sobriety and had forgotten how difficult it is to put together those first few weeks of sobriety.  It's amazing how quickly the coping mechanisms of sex addiction have taken hold of my everyday life:
The wife gets home late from work when I've had a particularly bad day... my mind goes to anger, resentment, and becomes fixated on sexual fantasies.  I think incessantly about the next time I'll be able to access porn or I lose myself in sexual fantasy.
A particularly bad night at work... I get angry and go into the bathroom to masturbate.
The list goes on and on, but I'll leave it with those two examples. 

For months I've been saturating my mind with sex and it seems almost impossible to let go of my fantasies, compulsive masturbation, and porn.  They've gotten me through the last few months, after all.  I haven't been dealing with my issues; I've been running from them into the arms of sex.  Two days without those coping mechanisms has left me feeling overwhelmed with emotions that are difficult to process. 

But because of that I'm making some progress; I had a good conversation with my wife last night about an issue in our relationship that was bothering me a lot.  It was a difficult conversation to have, but one that needed to happen... one that I never would have brought up if I was still numbing the emotional pain with sexual rushes.

Dealing with life without my addiction sucks. hard.  But my addiction makes me feel like a broken, shameful, worthless human being, which is much worse than dealing with everyday life.